Thoughts, rants and stories of a self confessed attention slut.
Saturday, 31 December 2011
New Year's Eve
So this year, I was feeling really lame about New Years eve. My hubby works until 8:00 tonight and then again tomorrow morning so he isn't into staying up all night to only have to wake up and go to work the next day; and I really thought I was ok with just being mellow and staying home. Don't get me wrong I've had invites to house and club parties, but it just seemed like such a hassel, then at the last minute my girl friend texted me and said that they were having a come as your are, pj party. So now I'm sitting here in my pj's having a drink, waiting for my man to come home from work, fuck me and then hopefully take me to this party or let me go on my own....I will let you know how it turns out. If I don't ring in the New Year with a drink in my hand I hope to have my husband's cock in my pussy. Happy New Year everyone.
In the beginning...
This is my first ever blog, you may find my posts to be offensive and inappropriate but instead I hope you find them to be humorous and honest. At times I may come across, self righteous or judgmental, which would seem to contradict the openness I would like to be treated with but please know that I am simply expressing how I feel and am expressing what may or may not work for me. To each their own.
I was almost 17 when I lost my "club V card"; and in all reality I didn't lose it; I gave it away. I was dating a guy from high school, I know now that I wasn't in love with him, but at the time I was raging with hormones and he fit the bill to pop my cherry. It was rather anti-climatic, but over all it wasn't a bad experience. We broke up not long after the deed was done and I was free to openly explore my sexuality, but was I really?
It was hard not to get hung up on titles such as slut, whore, ect. Words that once shocked and shamed me, now turn me on; but at the time; I didn't want to be one of those girls, so although I was free of a boyfriend, I was still had to navigate my way through my own desires and what society was saying was acceptable. Movies like Dirty Dancing and Top Gun added to my confusion. Sex on the big screen always looked and sounded so amazing. I was clearly missing out on something, so I planned on getting some advise during my next trip to the teen drop-in birth control clinic. I wasn't exactly sure what the problem was and before I was able to articulate my situation in my own mind I was called into the nurses office. She asked the usual questions; how many sexual partners have you had, are you on using protection, why are you here? So I started with the obvious, I was there to get more birth control pills and then I say " I think there is something wrong with me", "Oh" she inquires; "Yes" I blurt out, "I don't think I have a clit". After almost choking on her coffee, much to her credit, she stifled her laughter and proceeded to show me on a diagram where my clitoris would be located. It wasn't until I was 20, that I experienced my first orgasm, while masturbating; it was at that point that I began to realize my role in my own pleasure. It took me a little while longer before I could muster up the nerve to stimulate myself during penetration, but once I let that hang up go, I came loud and proud. Now instead of being hindered by my sexuality I start to really embrace it. Becoming more self aware I started to realize that I like things risky, edgy, raw, hard and rough, but once again I found my self desiring something I knew very little about and once again I found I was without the vocabulary to really express myself. I couldn't very well say to my boyfriend, "When we wrestle and you pin me to the floor, I get wet", at least at the time such words would not find my lips. So now I was loving sex more than ever, cuming like a porn star, but after the cumming was over and done with, I still had a burning desire deep within me. Despite my insatiable desire for sex I was still left wanting.
I went off to college, and though I was doing well in my classes instead of studying I was exploring the world wide web. To my delight I discovered there was a whole community of people out there that I could identify with, in the BDSM lifestyle. In future posts I will describe my adventure into the world of BDSM.
I was almost 17 when I lost my "club V card"; and in all reality I didn't lose it; I gave it away. I was dating a guy from high school, I know now that I wasn't in love with him, but at the time I was raging with hormones and he fit the bill to pop my cherry. It was rather anti-climatic, but over all it wasn't a bad experience. We broke up not long after the deed was done and I was free to openly explore my sexuality, but was I really?
It was hard not to get hung up on titles such as slut, whore, ect. Words that once shocked and shamed me, now turn me on; but at the time; I didn't want to be one of those girls, so although I was free of a boyfriend, I was still had to navigate my way through my own desires and what society was saying was acceptable. Movies like Dirty Dancing and Top Gun added to my confusion. Sex on the big screen always looked and sounded so amazing. I was clearly missing out on something, so I planned on getting some advise during my next trip to the teen drop-in birth control clinic. I wasn't exactly sure what the problem was and before I was able to articulate my situation in my own mind I was called into the nurses office. She asked the usual questions; how many sexual partners have you had, are you on using protection, why are you here? So I started with the obvious, I was there to get more birth control pills and then I say " I think there is something wrong with me", "Oh" she inquires; "Yes" I blurt out, "I don't think I have a clit". After almost choking on her coffee, much to her credit, she stifled her laughter and proceeded to show me on a diagram where my clitoris would be located. It wasn't until I was 20, that I experienced my first orgasm, while masturbating; it was at that point that I began to realize my role in my own pleasure. It took me a little while longer before I could muster up the nerve to stimulate myself during penetration, but once I let that hang up go, I came loud and proud. Now instead of being hindered by my sexuality I start to really embrace it. Becoming more self aware I started to realize that I like things risky, edgy, raw, hard and rough, but once again I found my self desiring something I knew very little about and once again I found I was without the vocabulary to really express myself. I couldn't very well say to my boyfriend, "When we wrestle and you pin me to the floor, I get wet", at least at the time such words would not find my lips. So now I was loving sex more than ever, cuming like a porn star, but after the cumming was over and done with, I still had a burning desire deep within me. Despite my insatiable desire for sex I was still left wanting.
I went off to college, and though I was doing well in my classes instead of studying I was exploring the world wide web. To my delight I discovered there was a whole community of people out there that I could identify with, in the BDSM lifestyle. In future posts I will describe my adventure into the world of BDSM.
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